I recently purchased the book Influencer that Dr. H recommended and when flipping through it noticed a lot of topics that I need to read. I am looking forward to jumping into it. Some of the topics included "Change the way you change minds" and "Make the undesirable, desirable."
I have been married for almost 24yrs and have been with my husband for a little over 27! Something that I have heard him say to me over and over throughout the years is, "It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it." I haven’t truly taken to heart what he has been saying.
Being the black and white person I am, saying things in a specific manner has always felt like manipulation techniques. I appreciate when others just say things right to me, no matter how harsh. I love honesty, and I am ok with directness. I have always had issues with communicating with others because most people don’t like, or need, that. I have changed my thinking to realize that it’s not a form of manipulation, it’s realizing the other party's needs. We are motivated by our hearts. Meeting the needs of the listener changes their openness to listen and in return creates a sense of urgency and kickstarts motivation.
Recently, when speaking to others, I try to take a moment to count to 10 before responding. I ask myself if what I am about to say is what they need. How do they listen, what will help me to influence them, not by manipulating, but by communicating effectively in the style that speaks to them and will result in my goal being met? Only then do I speak with intention.
The Behavioral Science Guys shared in their video, How to Change People Who Don’t Want to Change, that instead of lecturing, use questions. I will try this out when speaking with others. I have had a bad habit of using more information when discussing things. I need to prompt and allow the listener to figure it out for themselves more often and to "help them explore their own motivations at their own pace."
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