When it comes to leading, we must be sure to keep our anxiety in check. This can be extremely difficult to accomplish, especially when you work in a high-stress occupation like education. Most educators feel overwhelmed daily. There have been numerous studies done since the COVID pandemic began showing that educators were at an all-time high for anxiety and depression. An article on EdWeek.org discusses how anxiety and depression rates quadrupled during COVID and were particularly acute with educators rising from 25% to 57% being extremely concerned about burnout and one-quarter of all teachers saying they planned to leave the profession altogether after the end of the school year (Gewirtz, 2021). This means most of our workforce is under pressure. For this reason, we must be even more aware of how we act within the leadership of sensitive groups such as this. If we allow our own anxiety and emotions to be unregulated, we risk failure.
In a high-stress environment, sabotage is a real issue. Whether intentional or unintentional, sabotage is something that we need to be prepared to deal with. Camp (2010) discusses how when we experience sabotage as a differentiated leader, it means we are doing the right thing. That is hard to wrap my mind around. Usually, we assume that when things feel as though they are not going well that it means something is going wrong. Reading the text and watching videos reminded me of parenting. Parenting is not easy. And your children will not be happy when you stay calm. They work their “magic” to try to get a reaction, to make you change the rules or give them what they want. This does not produce the best result if you give in. Even though the pushback, our children are relying on us to give them what they need, even if they do not know what that is. We must stay neutral and calm.
While leading is not parenting, I am able to use the relation to understand that the sabotage that we experience in our careers is something that we do not need to give into. Holding your emotions in check and regulating your anxiety is crucial to reaching success. This is the area where I need the most work and plan to focus. I am a highly emotional person and tend to react or speak before thinking. The texts in this class have helped me find awareness in how I am damaging relationships by doing this. Joseph Grenny (2012) said, “I have become more aware of (1) how true emotions can feel during crucial moments, and (2) how false they really are”. This explains exactly how I feel. I am learning how to regulate my emotions and recognize them and wait until I can communicate in an effective manner before sharing or reacting.
The eight crucial conversation stages and how I will use them to improve my abilities:
1. Get unstuck
I plan to pay attention to the areas where I want to move to silence or violence during conversations to identify the areas where I am “stuck.” I will be more aware that others bring their own set of beliefs, values, and thoughts to a discussion and they do not have to match mine. I will recognize the relationship and why it is important to me. I will recognize areas that I can change, patterns of behaviors that may not be working for me.
2. Start with the heart
I will keep in mind that the only person I can control is myself and will do my best not to match the emotion on the other side. I will be aware of the areas in that I am not allowing others to give input. I will stay sincere and curious by learning to listen without judgment. I will focus on mirroring and paraphrasing what the other party is saying to learn to listen effectively.
3. Learn to look
I will spend time getting to know myself and my reactions to stressful situations. After doing the quizzes in Crucial Conversations, I learned I leaned towards withdrawing and the ‘violence’ side of responses when I feel stressed. I will pay close attention to my reactions to notice areas I can improve. I will watch the other party to notice when they are moving towards violence or silence so I can keep my own reactions under control. I will learn to identify when things become crucial.
4. Make it safe
When I notice that conversations are heading toward silence or violence, I will try to remove myself from the situation. I plan to apologize when necessary and to clarify what I did not or did mean. I will seek mutual purpose.
5. Master my stories
I will spend time focusing on the areas that I tell myself ‘Stories’ and be sure to pay attention to my emotions and rationales or interpretations of situations. I will examine my behavior and feelings to look for areas where I may not be on track. I will question the stories I am telling myself and examine the facts of the situation to come to a clear conclusion of what is going on.
6. STATE my path
S – Share your facts
T – Tell your story
A – Ask for the other’s paths
T – Talk Tentatively
E – Encourage Testing
(Patterson et. al, 2012)
I will use the steps above to keep myself in check when it comes to crucial conversations. Sharing our facts about the stories we tell ourselves gives the opportunity to learn the facts since our stories are assumptions. When telling the story and sharing the assumptions, I will be prepared to manage defensiveness and look for times I am going to silence or violence. I will ask the other party to share their story and assumptions and do it in a tentative way. I will encourage them to speak even if it contradicts what I am saying and be prepared for ways to manage that if they are hesitant.
7. Explore other paths
I will stay curious and calm when asking others to share. Crucial Conversations (2012) says we can use Ask, Mirror, Paraphrase, and Prime to do this. Expressing interest and acknowledging emotions along with restating and/or priming if they need help with expressing themselves will help to have successful communication. These are all skills I will diligently work on to improve my ability to have effective conversations with others.
8. Move to action
This is an area I will be intentional when working on improvement. I will focus on concluding the next steps and make decisions based on the conversation that all parties understand.
References
Camp, J. (2010, November 10). Friedman’s Theory of Differentiated Leadership Made Simple. Www.youtube.com. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RgdcljNV-Ew
Gewertz, C. (2021, May 4). Teachers’ Mental Health Has Suffered in the Pandemic. Here’s How Districts Can Help. Education Week. https://www.edweek.org/leadership/teachers- mental-health-has-suffered-in-the-pandemic-heres-how-districts-can-help/2021/05
Patterson, K., Grenny, J., Mcmillan, R., & Switzler, A. (2012). Crucial conversations: tools for talking when stakes are high. Mcgraw-Hill Education.
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